Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I faked an abortion last night.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
