dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
