I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
