i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize