bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize