You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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