Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize