drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
