There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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