Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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