So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
