Just cropdusted the office
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
