She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
