After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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