I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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