my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
