im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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