You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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