i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
