So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
