just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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