I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
