I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Holy shit dude........stairs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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