remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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