Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
