FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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