I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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