i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize