My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
