I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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