Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
