You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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