Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
