Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
