I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize