The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
