I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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