WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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