You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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