Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He shit in the fireplace
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
