She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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