apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
