as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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