When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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