Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
