Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
