i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize