just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
