Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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