A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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