he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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