Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
