direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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