I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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