Umm I'm too high to move.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
