We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
