biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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