Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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