For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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