when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
