as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
