I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
