Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
