I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
