I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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