1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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