During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
