I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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