it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
