Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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