well I can't set my house on fire every night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize