is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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